Goodbye
by thegoodpill
Summary: Mega angst involving Tokka and death.


If there is one thing Sokka has learned over the years, it's how to say goodbye.

It started what feels like ages ago, yet he remembers it very well. The first time he had to say goodbye to someone was when he was so small, so tiny and so insignificant in the tribe, yet he'd always felt like the king, the boss, the Chief. Until his mother was taken away from him, very brutally, and he had to man up within seconds to support his baby sister. Before doing that, however, he'd allowed himself to shed a few tears. After that, he locked himself down.

The second time was when he was only a boy trying to be a man. His dad left him then, him and his sister, to fight for their future. The pain Sokka felt when he saw the only man he'd been able to really count on in his entire life sail away from him, was – and still is – inexpressible. But, if anyone would ask him to anyway, he'd say something along the lines of,

"It was like my soul was ripped out of my body, and I was left with an empty shell which I had to fill up again, all by myself."

He'd only discovered this after rescuing his father from the Boiling Rock. Upon seeing him again, being able to talk to him again, just _be _with him again, Sokka had felt complete once more. Even though he'd been able to add content to the shell, he only felt like he was truly himself once he was reunited with the man he loved dearly.

The third time he said goodbye felt like a first time. He had never fallen in love with anyone, not at first sight, not after getting to know her, _never_. And then they'd arrived at the South Pole and Sokka, as silly as he was, fell for a princess. Princess Yue, bound to marry a jerk she didn't even like, was funny, charming, sweet and just... right. Not perfect, because if she was she wouldn't have had the intention to marry someone for the mere reason that her father approved of the guy.

When she died... Sokka doesn't like to think of that moment when he felt the life slipping out of her body, but, when she died, a part of his spirit, the part that was connected to the beautiful girl in his arms, had parted the Earth together with her. And while he was glad to know he would somehow always be with her, he was devastated. He wanted to be with Yue with every fiber of his body, not just a part of his spirit, but most of all, he wanted _her_ to be with _him_.

Sokka doesn't ever want anyone to ask him how to describe the feeling he had then, because his answer will not be too pretty. (_Suicidal_.)

So yes, he's had his fair share of goodbyes and he's getting quite sick of them, even though these partings make him stronger and wiser in some ways. But at the moment itself, they just tear him apart and all he wants to do is cry until he has no more tears left.

Today, two years after the war's ending, is one of those days. And today, he does just that.

One of the easiest goodbyes in his life, though still very painful, was the one with Suki. They separated soon after the war, a year maybe, and that had been that. And then Toph came along. Well, actually she didn't, she'd always been there, Sokka just never noticed her, not for real. But he did now. When it was too late.

Toph was like Yue's opposite. She was rough and challenging and _mean_, but she was also right. She wasn't Yue, no one was, but she certainly was something. She still _is_ something. Just... not for long anymore.

He should feel ashamed of himself. He's breaking the promise he made years ago, the one to keep emotions such as these to himself, locked away and for no one to see. Yet he can't bring himself to hide all of this; the fear, the sadness, the utter depression. It's probably because it's her. Because in the years they've known each other, she's shown him that he can do whatever he wants, from crying to fighting her, she will accept him no matter what.

She will _love_ him no matter what.

Sokka grasps the sheet, holding it tightly as he lets his tears flow and wet the fabric. He's been crying so long he can't force a sound out of his throat anymore.

Toph's asleep. He makes sure she is every few minutes, silencing himself so he can hear her breathing, each breath shallower than the previous. It scares him, knowing her end is near. He can't imagine how she herself feels, can't ask her either since lately she's barely awake, but if _he's_ scared to death, she must feel ten times worse.

He doesn't want her to go. For the past years she's been the only constant in his life, aside from his sister and Aang. But they're different. They don't tug at Sokka's heart when they smile or cry, they don't make him ridiculously happy just by being by his side. They don't break the shell he's spent years on to create when he realizes the situation they're in.

The sound the mere thought wrenches out of Sokka doesn't sound human to his own ears. He sounds desperate and broken and like the mess he never allowed himself to be, all because of the girl lying on the bed. And, as he thinks that she is the one he really can't live without, he finds out that this goodbye, which will come inevitably, is the one he's not strong enough to survive.

He's been such a fool.

No matter how much of a genius he can be when it comes to strategic plans, he's an idiot when it comes to love. Especially this love is what makes him actually loathe himself, as he's been ignorant towards it all these years. And while Toph was obvious about her feelings for him, he never thought twice about the special things she did only for him.

"I'm sorry," he says in less than a whisper. He knows it's useless anyway, as Toph is still asleep and can only hear the sounds her dream provides. _If_ she's dreaming, that is.

Do blind persons dream?

Sokka remembers asking her this question once, when they were in his room, sitting on his bed and eating the snacks Toph had stolen from the kitchen. Their very own secret picnic, filled with mischievous giggles and hushed whispers when they thought they heard someone near the room. And in the dark he asked, just because it was a fleeting thought that found its way to his mouth faster than he could register, and Toph, much against his expectations, didn't punch him.

Toph told him then that he was the first to ask and also the first to find out the answer. Yes, blind people did dream, they just didn't have images in it. Noises and scents and touch, all of that was inserted. And when Sokka asked what she dreamed about, Toph changed the subject.

"Dream of me," the warrior says, eyes closed as he nearly chokes on his words. "Please dream of me."

He takes her hand in his and strokes it softly with his thumb, hoping he'll somehow manage to influence her subconscious and turn reality into dreams. He brings her paler than pale hand to his lips and kisses it softly. He grazes his mouth past her hand up her arm, only stopping when he reaches her short sleeves that stand in the way of him gently devouring her.

Sokka stops. He opens his eyes, in shock upon realizing what he's doing, how he's using her vulnerability to his own advantage. He pulls away, away from Toph and her scent, away from her milky skin that he's somehow been able to resist all these years, away from everything he loves.

And then Toph breathes out loudly, louder than she's ever done since she ended up in this state, and for a moment Sokka feels a flicker of hope in his chest. His hear skips a beat, a smile makes its way to his lips, and he has fresh tears streaming down his face when he cups her cheek.

_She's going to make it_, he thinks to himself, bawling his eyes out once again.

He no longer thinks the moment his hand, which has slid down her face, reaches her neck and he can't feel the much needed pulse beneath it. His eyes widen in shock.

"Toph?" His voice sounds as broken as he feels. "Toph?" he repeats, a little louder this time, causing his voice to crack. "Toph!"

The door slams open behind him, revealing a worried looking Katara, and if Sokka thought he was the only one suffering then seeing her is living proof that he is not. Katara looks from him to Toph, then back at him again. The desperation in his eyes must've reached her, as she's by his side within a second and removing his hand so she can check.

When she moves her hand to her wrist to feel her pulse, Sokka starts to tremble.

Katara starts bloodbending. That's when Sokka is getting really desperate.

"Katara," he whispers with a quivering voice, "Katara-"

"Leave," she tells him, not taking her eyes of the young earthbender. "Get Aang."

Sokka doesn't think he's ever run this fast in his life. He is exhausted when he finally finds the Avatar in the library with Zuko, and he honestly thinks he's going to faint when he's back in Toph's room with the airbender by his side. Aang runs over to Katara immediately and they discuss something quietly before he helps. Sokka has no idea what's going on, only that it's not good.

He turns to Zuko, who tagged along because despite all their quarreling, he likes Toph. More than he admits, probably.

"It'll be fine," the Firelord says in the most insecure voice ever. "She'll be fine."

"She has to be."

Both Sokka and Zuko turn around to see Mai, and even she is showing some emotion on her face. Tears are threatening to fall from her eyes, but when she blinks all Sokka can see is the fear of losing Toph, which is just as good as tears when it comes to Mai. It's scary, Sokka thinks, to see Mai afraid. Mai is never afraid, unless something really bad is happening.

Sokka doesn't voice his doubts, as they're written clearly on his face, and makes his way to Toph instead. He shakes off Zuko's hand trying to hold him back, ignores his protests and stops once he's at the end of the bed. He can't see much, not with Katara and Aang hovering over Toph, but the patches of skin he manages to view are getting paler by the second. It's like she's turning into a spirit right before his eyes.

"Sokka," Katara gasps when she notices him, "Go away. You don't have to see this."

She pushes him and he ends up on the floor, but for once she's not being an overprotective sister and focuses on Toph instead. Zuko is by his side impressively quickly, kneeling and placing a warm hand on his shoulder that this time isn't meant to stop him.

"We better go," he says to him, sounding calmer than he really is, and Sokka doesn't find the strength to fight him when he lifts him from the floor and carries him out of the room.

Toph dies the next morning. Sokka doesn't really remember what exactly happened after Katara and Aang told him the news, eyes sticking to the floor, but in the blur of it all he recalls tears and shouting, blaming his sister and Aang for not helping her enough. What he remembers the most, naturally, is when he saw her. He can be quick when he wants to, and even though Aang could've caught up with him easily he didn't try when Sokka made a run of Toph's room.

Sokka thinks he either fainted or threw up when he saw her lying on the bed. Maybe even both.

He feels numb during the funeral. Everyone Toph has been even remotely close to is present, with exception of her parents. Sokka is sure he'd be enraged if he had the strength for it. But he doesn't. He's surprised he even has the power to breathe. He can't talk, however, so he leaves the obligatory speech to Katara. Strangely enough Zuko also says a few words, revealing his actual friendship with Toph that Sokka somehow managed to miss. In the end he doesn't care. He just wants this to stop.

When Sokka is at the bottom of the lake, a rock heavy enough to keep him down tied to his ankle, he smiles. He feels happier than he has in the past few weeks, as if life isn't so bad and cruel after all. As if he didn't miss his chance to say goodbye to Toph, and as if nothing's happened in the first place.

His mind is starting to get foggy when suddenly he's catapulted out of the water, the earth beneath him pushing him out as if to reject him. Lightheaded, Sokka can't grasp what exactly is going on, but his mind is cleared the moment he lays eyes on Toph standing right next to him. The fact that she's glowing tells him she's a spirit, and while that does sadden Sokka he's also incredibly happy to see her.

She looks good, despite the nasty frown on her face.

"Don't you do that _ever_ again, you hear me?" she tells him sternly, resembling Katara more than she has ever done. Sokka struggles to keep a straight face. "I don't want you here unless you've died a war hero, not like this."

Sokka nods. He stares at the image before him; Toph is wearing the outfit he saw her in when he first met her. The only difference is that the headband is not included, probably because she was sick of it and removed it herself. If that's possible in the Spirit World.

That's not what Sokka should be thinking about anyway. He should be thinking about Toph, Toph's presence and what it means. But he can't seem to get any words out, even though he wants to, desperately so. As usual, Toph notices and, also as usual, tells him what he needs to hear.

"I got some mighty spirit to take me down here to stop you," she says nonchalantly, "So make it worth the trouble I went through for you." Her face softens then, and it takes Sokka's breath away. "Don't come over yet. I'll be here for you, I promise. Just don't do it."

Sokka wants to ask her what the use is. He knows he's never going to find someone like Toph, never going to love someone like her, so why should he stay on Earth when the one he loves is in a different world from his? But he doesn't say a thing. This time because he knows there's no arguing with Toph, and he nearly smiles at how much he missed that. Toph's own smile may indicate she's thinking of the same thing.

"You'll get here soon enough." Sokka nods obediently. Toph's smile widens. "Goodbye."

Sokka's throat tightens at the word. He gets up from his position in the grass, desperate to not let this moment end, not yet.

"Toph," he starts, unsure of how to continue. "Toph, I–"

"I know," Toph answers.

"No, you don't. I love you." Sokka watches the surprise settling on her face. "I always will. And I'll be there one day, with you. I promise. This isn't goodbye."

Toph needs a couple of moments to recover from the confession, but once she has she gets that smile on her face that means she's really, really happy, but also very embarrassed. Sokka briefly wonders why he never noticed she often got that expression when someone suggested the two of them would make a great couple.

"Then," Toph starts a little doubtfully, "See you later?"

A smile slowly makes its way onto Sokka's face as well. "Yeah, that sounds good. I'll see you later."

Toph fades away and leaves him in the dark, with exception of the moon. Sokka looks up at it and thinks its shine is oddly bright, until he remembers who exactly it is that's shining down on him. He doesn't see Yue, but he can feel her approval.

Sokka dies eight months later. Katara tells the crowd that's shown up at his funeral that he died as a hero while trying to fight the remaining group that supports Ozai, and Zuko only regrets it a bit that he knows Sokka knew well enough he'd never win against a group of ten, but fought them anyway.

**The end**


End file.
